Note from Joseph
Sharon started coming to Hands of Christ in the fall of 2002. Since then, she has grown so much in the Lord. I asked Sharon to share some thoughts and reflections about her journey with Christ and her impressions about Hands of Christ. I think you will enjoy her honesty and enthusiasm about her love for Jesus. Joseph.
Personal Reflections - by Sharon Delaini
When Joseph asked me to write about my experience at
Hands of Christ, I had two thoughts: 1.)
How am I going to explain something so personal, that can’t be rationalized;
experiences based on faith; and 2.) As I reflect back to the beginning, my glib
response when invited to Hands of Christ (Sure, why not, I guess it can’t
hurt), I think, “It’s a wonder that God bothers with us in the first
place.”
Yes, I know, all you that are currently walking in the light are saying, “Anyone who has experienced God’s love and understands God's desire for us to surrender wholly to him understands why God ‘bothers’ with us.” I now understand it myself, but I feel compelled not to address those of us who are on the path, but those who are standing next to it, hesitant to get on.
It’s
like when you go swimming and you first walk into the water and get almost to
your waist. Up to that point
you’re fine. But now you
hesitate, you hold back, you don’t want to go any further, it’s that first
split-second initial shock of the water when it hits your waist that you fear.
It’s those people I speak to now.
Because you know that once you make the commitment to get wet, push
through and dive in, it’s like heaven. The
water is invigorating and soothing as it envelops you.
You’re buoyant; you seem to move effortlessly as if being held up by
invisible hands.
Making the commitment to give your life to Jesus Christ
is not too much different then this. Initially,
it’s just as scary, the fear of the unknown.
You’re asked to give up control. (What?
Are you NUTS?) To put your
trust in something supernatural, and intangible.
(I need proof, facts, something concrete. If I can’t see it, then it can’t exist.) You can fight; thrash around in the water, because of some
stubborn, fearful, prideful emotions. (I
won’t be cool; people will think I’m weird. They’ll laugh at me.)
But really, think about it, how’s that been working for you so far?
Putting all your faith in man? Letting
that dictate your values, goals and self worth.
I’m not pointing my finger, or trying to put you on the defensive.
Believe me, I know all your reasoning and excuses.
I know your fears. It wasn’t all that long ago when I was there myself.
I’m still there in some ways. I
suspect that I always will be working on this aspect of my faith.
Not because God has let me down, and made me doubt, but because it is the
nature of my humanity.
Just watch TV or open a magazine and see all the things
that you have to do to be loved. You
can buy all the products, do all the exercises, be seen in all the right places
with all the right people and hope that you will be deemed worthy.
No guarantee though, because your fickle master could change everything
tomorrow. New products, new
exercises, new right places and different right people.
Since Hands of Christ, I’ve learned about the power of
God's love for me. I didn’t have
to be anything more than who I was, as I was, to come forward, invite him in and
receive his love. He knows
everything that I’ve done in the past, what I’m thinking and doing now and
everything I will think and do in the future.
And He loves me. He
loves me unconditionally. He
will never stop loving me, no matter what I do.
(Oh yeah, before we go any further, I’ll be using the word “He”
when referring to God. We’re in
the habit of calling God He, but there is no gender for God; God is all
encompassing. So lets not get hung
up on this. Why do I mention it?
Well, I’ve seen the bumper stickers, I’ve been one of those ticked
off women, but once you understand God, what you call God really isn’t
important and becomes insignificant compared to who God is.)
What a gift this unconditional love is.
What pressure is taken off of us. Now
this doesn’t give you license to go forth and be unaccountable for your
actions. And try as we might, we
will never be perfect. We are going to disappoint, mess up and have missed
opportunities. But God doesn’t
want us to get bogged down and uptight about this.
For we’re like a fly on the TV screen; we see only that little speck in
front of us, where God sees the big picture and knows of the opportunities and
acts of redemption still to come. Once
we understand that, life gets a lot freer.
He doesn’t want us to dwell on the “I blew it” part but to learn by
it and use it to go forward in our stewardship.
Mercy and Grace.
I am humbled by his all-consuming Love for me.
I can’t earn it; doing good things will not increase it; and unlike all
other love, it will never be withheld from me nor used against me.
Any perceived change is because I have stepped back, away or am blocking
the flow. And you may ask, “Well
how can that be if He’s so loving and can do all things?”
“Why would it ever stop?” It
is because His second greatest gift is free will. He will never force me.
He’s a great persuader, but the decision to invite Him in and to do His
will must come from me and my free will. If
you ever feel anything different than this, I can guarantee you, you are not
dealing with God. God comes through
your heart not your head. And there
is no doubt when he speaks to you.
My life has changed dramatically since coming to Hands of
Christ. The glib “Sure, why not,
I guess it can’t hurt.” response was all God needed to enter and begin his
work. Our God is a master chess
player. He moves people and
events around in our life to heal, console, and teach us. A perfect example is God directing me to Hands of Christ.
I was scared, afraid, confused, and skeptical.
I was thinking, “Who are these people I’m about to meet?”
“Who died and left them boss?” “How
do they know what I need?” “Who
are they to judge me?” I knew
that I would have no trouble spilling all the sordid details of my life, for I
felt I was a “victim” and as one I needed for others to know and feel every
inch of my pain. It would be
another audience for validation. Whoa
is me, me, me, me, me.
I have such a smile on my face as I’m writing this,
because with hindsight, I can see how God set me up. We think we’re so in control, that we know exactly what we
need. Praise Jesus that there is
someone, much smarter than us, that knows exactly what we need and needs only a
smidgen of an invitation to come into our life and start the healing.
He’s my kind of guy.
The first
thing that happened when I pulled up in front of the building was that I
remembered the house from when I lived in the Historic District and would walk
up Bull Street to the main library. At
that time it was somebody’s home, but it was my favorite house to see on the
walk. It’s small and has a white
picket fence that goes around the yard. Just
looking at it would lift my spirits and comfort me.
I often fantasized about owning it and living there.
As soon as I stepped inside the building, I felt a sense of peace.
I felt safe. That it was
okay. Though I had a sense of
comfort from the building, I still wasn’t sure of the people inside. As my friend Rick introduced me around, I was greeted
warmly, but I could feel myself remaining tense, skeptical. Of course they’re going to be nice, they’re suppose to be
nice and smiley. That’s what
God’s people do. Everybody’s
perfect; everything’s wonderful. But
you see, what I’ve learned since is that it’s not for me to judge, worry
about, control or fix. God knows
exactly what each one of us needs. And
if we let him, he puts it there for us.
What I needed at the time was kid gloves.
I was skittish; ready to bolt. God
moves a few chess pieces and I’m sitting upstairs with my friend Rick, Joseph
and Dolores; two other members of the ministries’ prayer team.
It’s quiet and private. It’s
awkward for me at first, but through their gentle coaxing, I start talking about
what is going on in my life and how I feel it is spinning out of control and
slipping away from me. They listen
and comfort. Now, I didn’t have
to tell them all my junk, and it’s not that they are eager to hear all the
juicy bits of how screwed up I am, but it helps them to get a sense of what to
pray for. Looking back, I know that
even if I didn’t feel comfortable talking about anything, they still would
have been able to pray for me as they are an open vessel for God. And though they might not know what is wrong or bothering me,
God does. And he will use any of us
to move through, if we are willing.
And move he does. I
didn’t know what was expected of me. I
am comforted to hear them say, right now, the only thing I need to do is be
open. During prayer, I don’t have
to say anything or do anything unless I feel moved to do so.
I feel a hand on my shoulder or arm and I feel at peace.
I’m hard of hearing, and I couldn’t hear everything that was being
said. What I did hear gave me strength and peace.
What I didn’t hear also gave me strength and peace as I didn’t need
my ears, for it went through my heart. Deaf
or not, God will get his message to you.
So, “Who are these people I’m about to meet?”
A support group rooted in faith, all traveling on the same path at
varying levels, working towards being a faithful servant of God, acknowledging
their humanness, knowing their weaknesses, and humbled by God’s awesome love
for them. “Who died and left
them boss?” Jesus Christ.
And they're not boss, just vessels for God’s love and wisdom to flow
through. “How do they know
what I need?” Because God
speaks directly through them to me without a personal agenda.
“Who are they to judge me?”
They don’t. They love me
and support me in my walk in faith.
Since starting this adventure, I‘ve been pulled through self-destructive habits and fears. And make no mistake, when God fixes something it is fixed for good. If you are confronted with it again, He gives you tools and the strength to stand strong and defeat your foe. For you are washed in the Blood of Jesus Christ and in this all things are possible.
So,
is it hard work? You better believe
it. Is it all seriousness?
Heck no. Our God has an
awesome sense of humor. Just look
at us, how could He not? Is it
worth it? More than you could ever
imagine.